you're a companion, not a plan.
a few thoughts inspired by fani willis + reads and vibes for your weekend.
Happy Friday, friend! We’ve made it to the end of yet another work week. Let’s jump right in!
thoughts at large.
Yesterday, I did something that I rarely do anymore… I watched CNN.
I wanted to get caught up on the day's news to see what I may have missed while being deep in work this week. I’m chronically online, but sometimes, the most relevant stories are drowned out by mess.
One of the biggest stories of the day was actually a subplot of former President Trump’s ongoing legal sagas, in particular the RICO case in connection to the election stealing allegations in Fulton County, Georgia. To quickly catch you up, Fani Willis, Fulton County’s District Attorney, has been accused of financially benefitting from Trump’s prosecution. How, you may ask? She hired Nathan Wade, an ADA whom she just so happened to have an intimate relationship with, to prosecute the case. Since being hired, he’s earned about $650K. Trump’s lawyers are arguing that he used some of that to take her on dates and extravagant trips, allegations that both Willis and Wade deny.
Both Willis and Wade testified yesterday, but it was Willis’ testimony that really resonated with me. First of all, as a Black woman - I hated to see her have to explain her personal life to a bunch of weirdos, but I simultaneously loved the way that she came in as an absolute boss - taking no prisoners.
If there was a portion of the testimony that stood out to me most, it was this one segment where she explained something that many women, but especially Black women, have had drilled into their heads for years:
“Let’s go on and have a conversation. I don't need anything from a man. A man is not a plan. A man is a companion. I don't need anybody to foot my bills. The only man who has foot my bills completely is my daddy.” - [watch here]
When she said this, I perked up. Here we have a very powerful and accomplished Black woman who has to account for her personal life in a very public way for political reasons. Publicly having to atone for something that, in all honesty, wasn’t necessarily improper. (It wasn’t smart, but it wasn’t morally corrupt.) Creating a sideshow spectacle in hopes of diverting people’s attention from the fact that the former President and his co-conspirators did attempt to steal the election in 2020. A JOKE.
She also spoke about a difference in approach to relationships that I am not sure many people take into account. As a Black millennial woman, I can recall frequently being encouraged not to worry about boys, but to instead focus on getting into college, then graduating college, then getting a good job, and establishing myself as a woman. This encouragement feeds into the “strong, independent Black woman” trope that many of us are now being penalized for embodying. Let me be clear, I don’t regret anything. I have been focused on achievement my entire life. I did well in school, got a degree then went back and got another. I bought my own car. I bought my own house. I am a thriving adult. A thriving, single adult. Just like Fani Willis, and so many other successful Black professional women I know. I often wonder, if the conversations were different, how our community and the conversations around love and relationships within it would differ. Like where would we be and would I hate relationship podcast content any less? 😆
Valentine’s Day was this week, and I couldn’t help but notice the differences between the posts from my white friends, and the post from my Black friends. Honestly, most of my white friends are married, and the majority of my Black friends are not, and the data is in alignment with this. But it also reminds me of this TikTok I saw:
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If this is the situation baby we are playing from behind! 😂 I know ring by spring is not a new concept, but it’s just not culturally relevant for us.
There’s just a value difference that we have to acknowledge. Black people have had to fight and scrap to get where they want to be, and that has placed what could be considered an unhealthy focus on financial attainment and substantiated the hustle culture that’s so pervasive in the United States. But also, as a people, we’ve moved away from community as a priority, while others have not. There’s a “get it for yourself” attitude that has really hampered our progress. White people aren’t dealing with that, for systemic reasons we won’t delve too deeply into here. Of course, this is a GROSS generalization. There are always exceptions, but the point is, that shifting conversations around relationships is going to take a deeper amount of work than I think we’re willing to do.
For all the Fanis and Andreas out there, the get-it girls, who desire to be partnered but are not, what advice are we giving them now? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, specifically around how we can create some synergy and community again. The bottom line is, we need each other. So let’s talk about how we can find our way back.
need you to know.
Trump’s first criminal trial will start March 25, judge says
Former FBI informant charged with lying about the Bidens’ role in Ukraine business
Satellite photos show Egypt building a wall near Gaza Strip as Israeli offensive on Rafah looms
What we know about the woman who fired inside a Houston megachurch
Taylor Swift Donates $100K to Family of Woman Killed at Chiefs Victory Parade
reads & vibes.
Bad Bunny, Chris Hemsworth, Jennifer Lopez, and Zendaya Are the 2024 Met Gala Co-Chairs via Vogue
Beyoncé Always Said You’ll Never Take the Country Out of Her via Rolling Stone
Marvel has finally announced its cast for ‘The Fantastic Four’ reboot via WaPo
‘Survival of the Thickest’ Renewed for Season 2 as Michelle Buteau Sets Second Netflix Comedy Special via Variety
All American Season 6 Premiere Date Confirmed via ScreenRant
Denzel Washington and Spike Lee Reuniting to Remake Kurosawa’s ‘High and Low’ With A24 and Apple via Variety
Woman formerly known as Rachel Dolezal fired from teaching gig over OnlyFans account via NBC News [😭]
Kevin Durant teamed up with Stalley on a new track. I’m not gonna lie he kinda has some bars! Listen below.
That’s all for this week, friend. Please consider sharing this post with a friend if you enjoyed it!
Have a great week and I’ll see you right back here next week!
