ice cream dates & social media groupthink.
thoughts on dating in 2023 + reads & vibes for your weekend.
Hello there friend.
We’ve reached another Friday and I’m grateful for the opportunity to write to you again. It’s been a long week - and July is halfway over. Let’s not waste any more time.
thoughts at large.
At this point, I’m convinced that Twitter is being kept alive by Black Twitter debates and Black Twitter debates alone. Seriously, the amount of engagement created when *we* latch on to something is crazy.
I often try to avoid the cyclical conversations (normally they are about $200 dates, who/what qualifies as Black, gender roles/submission, and whether or not a $100K+ salary is a lot of money) but they got me this week. Check this out:
I encourage you to read Shay’s entire tweet thread about this because she makes some valid points. I will say that both of the people in the text thread seem to be operating in a spirit of abundance… they were both quick to let the situation go and didn’t seem to have any ill will toward each other. That’s more than can be said about most situations we see play out online.
As a single girl who is also working on boundaries, and not accepting the bare minimum from people, I can understand why the young lady responded the way she did. It could be that she just didn’t really like the guy, and it could be that she was responding based on previous dating disrespect. (There’s also a bit of miscommunication happening here because I’m not convinced that ice cream was the only thing he had planned for her.) I also think that her response could have been influenced by the aesthetic relationship imagery we’re fed every day on social media.
If you’re not familiar - people often share their extravagant dating experiences - shutting down restaurants, getting “flewed out” to international destinations, and five to six-figure handbags as gifts - and somehow that has become a standard accompanied by the phrase “if he wanted to he would.” What I’ve come to understand as a “geriatric millennial” is that everything that glitters isn’t gold. We only see what people choose to share online, and half the time, that stuff isn’t even real.
The truth is, we’ve lost the plot when it comes to relationships and dating. Dating is about gathering DATA. Do you even want to be around this person? How do they treat staff/service workers? Can they hold a decent conversation? Do they have a girlfriend, wife, or anyone that thinks they are a wife or girlfriend? Do they have a child that was born within the last year or two? What’s his opinion on how Keke Palmer’s baby daddy acted last week? (joking, kind of 😂.) If the purpose of the date is to get to know the person we’re meeting, shouldn’t we be engaging in activities that allow us to have real conversations? If a man is insufferable I don’t want to be sitting at an expensive 2-hour dinner, I’d rather get my ice cream and bounce. Do you see what I’m saying?
I think we have a lot of issues as a community, and I think one of the biggest roots is a lack of communication skills, and like I shared last week, I also think we’ve forgotten how to think for ourselves.
The bottom line is - we have to do what works for us. The ice cream would not have worked for sis, but it would work for me, and that’s absolutely okay. Once we get away from doing things for other people when we should be focused on ourselves, things will get much better.
Ladies, answer - would you take a man up on an ice cream date as a first date? Gents, would you suggest it? Let me know in the comments or via DM.
Love you, mean it!
need you to know.
How reparations pioneer Evanston, Ill., is rolling out payments to Black citizens
Republican state officials threaten legal action over company diversity policies
Screen Actors Guild Votes To Strike After Studio Negotiations Crumble
Fast Fashion Retailer Shein Facing Allegations of Criminal Activity in RICO Suit
reads & vibes.
Opinion: Men are lost. Here’s a map out of the wilderness. via WaPo (please read)
The Brooklyn Public Library has launched an immersive exhibit called “The Book of Hov” featuring artifacts & highlights from Jay-Z’s career. The exterior of the building is covered in Jay lyrics, and the website is phenomenal. The exhibit opens to the public today.
The Barbie Movie is out in theaters today. I’m simply going for the plot. Here’s the plot:
Yes, Issa Rae plays President Barbie and I’m a stan.
LSU Basketball star & rapper Flau’jae Johnson (aka Big 4) released a mixtape called “4 My Fans” and lil sis is rapping rapping! You can check it out here via Apple or Spotify.
Coco Jones’ very popular track ICU is getting the Justin Timberlake treatment. The Remix is out now and is available via The Update Weekly Playlist, along with some newness from JT, Alex Isley, Yussef Dayes, Masego, and more. It’s available on Apple Music and Spotify.
That’s all for this week. Have a lovely weekend fam!