don't ignore the red flag warning.
a few thoughts on moving away from desperation + reads & vibes for your weekend.
Happy International Women’s Day, friend! I hope you’re doing well. Today is a beautiful day to thank a woman in your life for the impact she’s made in your life. Let’s take a moment to think about that, and then let’s dive into this week’s chat.
thoughts at large.
A couple of days ago, I watched the final episode of the latest season of Love Is Blind. If you’re unfamiliar with the show, it’s a reality dating series on Netflix that places singles in “pods” with a wall between them and allows them to date, sight unseen. If they “fall in love” they can choose to get engaged, and only then, will they have the opportunity to see each other in real life. The show is supposed to be an exercise in moving beyond the physical and creating an emotional connection - but as many of us know, that’s not always a realistic expectation to hold.
On this season of Love Is Blind, we’re introduced to a couple - AD and Clay - whose relationship has become the talk of the timelines on social media. AD, a former cheerleader turned realtor, entered the show mentioning that in previous relationships, she was famous for ignoring red flags in her partners. Clay, a former track star and entrepreneur, admitted pretty early that he was carrying some concerns about being faithful in a relationship. They both presented red flags along, the way, and many times it was tough for me to watch.
In pop culture, the phrase “red flags” has become a catch-all for relationship non-starters, but in my research, I found that the term’s scientific use is also a great reminder. The National Weather Services says:
“A Red Flag Warning means warm temperatures, very low humidities, and stronger winds are expected to combine to produce an increased risk of fire danger.”
In other words, when things get hot, and there’s nothing to cool them down, any type of storm could cause you to get burned. The red flag is a warning we shouldn’t ignore.
That’s exactly what happened with Clay & AD. From the moment they met in person, I was concerned that Clay was only attracted to AD’s body. There were nights when he elected not to come home to her. He told her frequently that because of what he witnessed in his parent’s relationship (his Dad’s constant infidelity over 20+ years) he didn’t know if he could be faithful to her - and while cheating isn’t hereditary, the trauma that it caused was definitely passed down through the generations. With all that said, AD still went down to the altar and said yes to him. Spoiler alert: Clay said he couldn’t marry her. Thankfully.
There has been a lot of social media chatter taking both of these people to task, and rightfully so. They should both take ownership of their part in the mess - Clay for leaving AD heartbroken at the altar when he could have easily broken it off with her prior to the wedding day (just like 3 other couples did on this season) - and AD for ignoring the man blatantly telling her that he wasn’t ready to be married.
AD’s situation is what I want to focus on a bit today though, because whether we want to admit it or not, many of us have either been her or know someone very close to us who’s been her. It may have been a relationship, but it may not have been. How many times have we ignored the red flags in our lives because we got so focused on achieving a goal, that it didn’t matter what it cost us? Money. Pride. Self-respect. Focus - all thrown by the wayside. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been there before. I hope we never get so lost in our desire for something, a goal, that we ignore the still small voice pushing us in the opposite direction. And I get it. When you feel like that thing you’ve been wanting is so close you can taste it, it’s easy to throw caution to the wind, especially if it feels like you’ve already invested so much of yourself in it. It is painful to constantly feel like you give and give and receive the short end of the stick, but that is where you have to remember the words of Aaliyah - dust yourself off and try again.
This weekend I hope you take time to assess your positioning and remember that you never have to move in desperation. There’s always something on the horizon for you because what’s for you is for you. If you’re in your AD era, or know someone who is, exercise your grace. We’re all on a journey to finding and choosing ourselves. Honor that and trust the process.
need you to know.
5 takeaways from President Biden's State of the Union address (editor’s note: I thought President Biden’s speech was really good last night, apart from the fact that he let Marjorie Taylor Green get him so frazzled that he called immigrants “illegals.” That was out of line.)
Trump Says Israel Has To ‘Finish The Problem’ In Gaza After Months Of Silence
Hochul deploys National Guard, state police to do mandatory bag checks in NYC subway
Kentucky Senate passes bill to grant the right to collect child support for unborn children
reads & vibes.
Chasing Perfection With Tennis’s New Superstar, Coco Gauff - via Vogue
What We Owe Wendy Williams via Essence
Keith Powers Is Ready to Be Your Leading Man via TeenVogue
CBS Developing the First Black Daytime Soap Opera in 35 Years via THR
Denzel Washington & Jake Gyllenhaal to Star In Othello on Broadway via NYT
Ariana Grande’s new album “Eternal Sunshine” is out now. She’s got a track called “the boy is mine” which she says is her modern interpretation of the Brandy & Monica track of the same name. You can check out the album here: Spotify | Apple Music
That’s all for this week, friends. Shout out to all the ladies. Thank you for all you do on a daily basis to help make this world a better place.
